Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
