I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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