So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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