yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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