Acid is not a monday night drug
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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