It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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