That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
