we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
