I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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