I'm eating all of the evidence.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
