it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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