Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize