This is not my ceiling
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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