you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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