you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
