I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
