nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
