im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize