I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
