Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
