im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
