My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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