covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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