He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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