So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
