ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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