I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
