i don't like sucking hair
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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