You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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