we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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