I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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