it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
