Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
