she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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