I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize