She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
