Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
cat food counts as protein by the way
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
