Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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