I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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