i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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