It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
