Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we should paint friendship bongs
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