He passed out mid-signature
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
