I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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