i don't like sucking hair
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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