I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
