The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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