i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
