Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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