you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
