It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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