Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
