if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
