I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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