You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
