Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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