the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
