I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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