the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
