Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
