She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
