I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
