Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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