Whod you bang
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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