So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize