i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
