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mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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